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American C-17 Globemaster Lifts Off To Bring iPads And Shampoo To Starving Children In Africa

Just first stage of 'decade-long' program to improve living conditions in Africa.



Up up and away! With 200 handmade relief packages full of Apple's latest 64GB 10.2 inch iPads and a metric shit ton of Shampoo. Representative of the United States Linda Thomas-Greenfield addressed the public in regards to the program. "We couldn't bare to see any more children grow hungry with todays technology so with our new care package I'd say they'd better be learning JavaScript!"


Public reception to the project has been mixed after details were dropped by current acting Vice President shedding light on how the program is intended to help the children of the great continent. "How can I live with myself knowing that the sweet children of Africa can't enjoy the luxury of a 64GB, 10.2 inch display, 4k res, and Fortnite Mobile!" said a local woman when questioned about the ordeal.


A popular question among the masses seems to be, Where is the funding for this program being pulled from?

The answer is tax payer dollars. That's right every 0.05 of a dollar YOU make will go right into the development of the latest and greatest Apple iPads as well as the processing of approx. 6.2 million bottles of Old Spice Head and Shoulders.


US President Joe Biden claims that this plan is only in it's early stages and an he aims to cover an estimated two thirds of North Africa with mobile devices and body wash products. Russian President Vladimir Putin has praised the US for their actions in Africa, comparing it to Russia's efforts in Afghanistan. "US efforts in Africa are very similar to our efforts in Afghanistan. We invaded to provide the terrorists with the necessary tools to protect our internet from Nazis."


Stay tuned for more compelling stories.

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